Let us create a 3D eBook for you!
Let us create a 3d Digital eBook for you! DigyCat.com

Foolproof Customer Service Strategies (That Only A Fool Would Try!)


Ever notice how customer service varies from store to store? You walk into some stores, and before you can say "Buzz off!" a salesperson asks "May I help you?"

"No thanks."

"May I help you?" asks another.

"No thanks."

"May I help you?" asks a third.

When the store runs out of salespeople, you get to see the merchandise. This is called "in your face customer service"

Other stores take the opposite approach. When you can't find the right size adapter for your new portable electronic zapper gizmo thingy, you look for help in aisle three. Nobody there. Aisle four? Still nobody. Aisle five? Nope. Aisle six? Seven? Fifty-six?

This is called "run for cover customer service".

Then there is the equipment shop that welcomes you with open arms when your lawn tractor starts sounding like dentures in a blender.

"It just needs a routine cleaning. We charge $150 for that," the friendly salesman says. Then he lowers his voice. "But you could probably do it yourself."

You commend him on his helpfulness. He beams with pride. "Yup. I thought it up by myself. Whenever a customer tries to fix something at home, we make a whole lot more money the next day. Think my boss will give me a raise for this?"

I call this "do-it-yourself-extortion".

And what about the three companies that came to quote on some ductwork? Each looks around, takes some notes and promises to get back to us with a quote.

We wait. And wait. And wait.

We call back the first company, which promises to get back to us with its quote. It makes the same promise consistently each time we call. I just love a reliable company.

This is called "consistent filibuster customer service".

We call the second company. We call them in the day. We call them in the night. We call them in the dark. We call them in the light. We call them in the morn. Well call them at high noon. We call them at dinner, and by the light of the moon.

Even bad poetry doesn't help. I just love a company that doesn't pester me by answering the phone.

I call this "Invisible Man customer service".

In the end, we choose a third company. To what does it owe the winning bid? Excellent quality? No. Great price? No. Strong guarantee? No? Answering their phone? Yes.

We hire the best paperwork fillers to renovate our ductwork - and we cross our fingers that we never have to choose a heart surgeon that way.

I call this "present-at-attendance customer service".

Our pest control company showed us a different approach.

"Honey, the flies are getting in the house. Time to call Pest Control Guy."

"OK, I'll do it right after I answer the phone. Hello?

"Hello, this is Pest Control Guy. When would you like your annual pest controlling?"

"How did you know? Well, as soon as possible. Hold on, that's the door bell."

"Hello, this is Pest Control Guy."

"But, you were just on the phone."

"You said ASAP, so here I am."

I call this "customer service on steroids".

If you own a business, run a family or do anything that brings you into contact with other human beings, please take note. One of these customer service styles is actually good.

"Hello, this is Pest Control Guy."

OK, that's enough. We don't have pests in this column.

"Hello, this is Pest Control Guy."

By the way, if you want to provide feedback to this column, I'll be holding my hands over my ears and singing the Klingon national anthem. I call that "satirical customer service."

"Hello, this is..." SWAT!

(Please email me at Info@TheHappyGuy.com if you have any customer service stories you would like to see in a future column.)

About The Author

The author is David Leonhardt. To receive his satirical happiness column weekly, sign up at http://TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html. This article first appeared at http://TheHappyGuy.com/customer-service.html.


MORE RESOURCES:

Customer Service - Google News

This RSS feed URL is deprecated

This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news

Tsunami warning canceled after massive earthquake strikes off Alaska - News & Observer


Tsunami warning canceled after massive earthquake strikes off Alaska
News & Observer
An earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 8.2 struck off Alaska's Kodiak Island early Tuesday, initially prompting a tsunami warning for a large swath of coastal Alaska and Canada's British Columbia while the remainder of the U.S. West Coast was ...

and more »

Be careful when searching online for customer service help numbe ... - AZFamily


AZFamily

Be careful when searching online for customer service help numbe ...
AZFamily
A woman got a fake customer service number when she tried to Google search for one and she wants other people to be careful online.
Scammers target customer service numbers in Google searches ... WWBT NBC12 News

all 2 news articles »

A Secret Of Customer Service Success And Job Satisfaction: Help Even When You Can't Help - Forbes


Forbes

A Secret Of Customer Service Success And Job Satisfaction: Help Even When You Can't Help
Forbes
Customer service can be frustrating work, because of the limiting parameters. You're interacting with customers briefly and in a closely-defined role, where there's a ceiling on how much you can do for them. You're handling a product return, but the ...

What Amazon Go's cashier-less grocery means for customer service - WSB Atlanta


WSB Atlanta

What Amazon Go's cashier-less grocery means for customer service
WSB Atlanta
On Monday, Amazon debuted its first cashier-less grocery store in Seattle, Washington, ushering in a decidedly new era in customer service. Amazon Go, as the venture is called, works by streamlining the shopping experience, allowing the customer to ...
Amazon's New Checkout-Free Grocery Store Doesn't Take Food Stamps Slate Magazine
Amazon Go draws crowds: How does it work? Answers to questions on the new retail store Seattle Times

all 604 news articles »

InsureMyTrip Named Finalist in 12th Annual Stevie© Awards for ... - PR Newswire (press release)


InsureMyTrip Named Finalist in 12th Annual Stevie© Awards for ...
PR Newswire (press release)
WARWICK, R.I., Jan. 22, 2018 /PRNewswire/ -- InsureMyTrip, the travel insurance authority, is pleased to announce it has been named a finalist in the 12th annual prestigious Stevie Awards for Sales & Customer Service. InsureMyTrip will ultimately be a ...

and more »

Coinbase hires a new VP of Operations to lead its customer service ... - TechCrunch


TechCrunch

Coinbase hires a new VP of Operations to lead its customer service ...
TechCrunch
Coinbase just announced they're hiring Tina Bhatnagar as VP of Operations and Technology to lead all operational teams at Coinbase and GDAX. But perhaps most relevant right now is the fact that her responsibilities will include overseeing the fast ...
Coinbase taps Twitter for much-needed customer service expertise Financial Times
Finally, Coinbase Is Addressing Its Customer Service Issues Hacked
Coinbase hires former Twitter exec to lead customer service efforts Finextra (press release)
CoinDesk  - Fortune  - Business Insider
all 9 news articles »

CES Showcases Robots (Again) And Demonstrates How They Can ... - Forbes


Forbes

CES Showcases Robots (Again) And Demonstrates How They Can ...
Forbes
LAS VEGAS, NV - JANUARY 09: LG's CLOi personal assistant robot is displayed during CES 2018 at the Las Vegas Convention Center on January 9, 2018 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by David Becker/Getty Images). You check into a hotel. You get into your room ...

and more »

T-Mobile's customer service is its biggest success story – BGR - BGR


BGR

T-Mobile's customer service is its biggest success story – BGR
BGR
Since John Legere took control of T-Mobile in 2012, the carrier has orchestrated a remarkable turn-around. Through launching the Un-Carrier initiative, T-Mobile turned its scrappy underdog status into a marketing plug, and by adding the iPhone to its ...

and more »

Money Can Ruin Everything In Customer Service And The Customer Experience (Here's How To Fix This) - Forbes


Forbes

Money Can Ruin Everything In Customer Service And The Customer Experience (Here's How To Fix This)
Forbes
I often make the argument (when I'm designing or redesigning a client company's customer experience or customer service approach) that the best way to conceptualize the customer experience is as a movie you're producing for your customer to star in ...

LargeFriends.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!
SuccessfulMatchCentral.com - the best dating site for plus-sized singles!

PreLaunchX

AusTrade Domain Is For Sale - $15,000 For Enquiries eMail Us

© www.AusTrade.biz - 2012

home | site map | links